what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
