I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
