meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
