16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
