my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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