i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
