I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
