I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
