Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Everyone says I win the strip club
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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