I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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