nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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