using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
