yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
