marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
