he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
