Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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