he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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