I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
