I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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