By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize