dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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