I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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