I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
