AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
