This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
