i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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