dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
