NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
