i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
