i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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