Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
