i was born a porn star she said
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize