He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this beer tastes like vomit already
if only i could text you this smell
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
