You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
