The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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