There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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