You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
