is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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