Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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