Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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