I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
