Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
