I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
