Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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