I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
