Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
