he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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