What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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