she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
