I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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