i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
