Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
