i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
