Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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