i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
