got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
