i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
