I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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