She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
