did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
