i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
