I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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