Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
