Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
