I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
