I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have post one night stand depression
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